I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock, and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.
Psalm 40:1-3

In order to tell you about myself, I will “paint” you a picture of my past, when like Jonah, I not only ignored God, but ran in the opposite direction. I was not thrown overboard, but jumped quite willingly into a sea of sin and darkness; temporary pleasures and worst of all dragged my family with me. I was quickly swallowed up by a whale of a problem which was alcohol and drugs. There is a place in all of us which, if it is not filled by God, then it will be filled by something. I was not a social drinker. I never cared for the taste of it. I was simply in it for the buzz. And buzzed I was. I drank between a 6-12 pack every night. If the kids had something at school that night, no problem, I started when it was done and drank till midnight if that’s what it took to get my ration.

When I started drinking again shortly after I was married I knew I was in trouble and prayed for God to “save me from myself.” But other than my son’s brush with death when he was about 10, I didn’t pray much for the next 30 years, except for an occasional “thank you.”

Motorcycles and alcohol do not mix. I wrecked on the curve next to Ben Borden’s sawmill trying to do 60 around that bend – broke my leg, couple of cuts; center punched a car at 50 in Williamsburg – lost a tooth and some stitches; was doing 70 down Indian Road on the way to a party, and, when I was almost there, I met some folks leaving so when I pulled on the handlebars to back up, the riser broke. Handlebars connect to the riser, riser connects to the front end. This would be the same as if you were in a car and the steering wheel came off on your hands1

God saved me from my self, and He did it with His sublime Love. I came to a problem in my life that was beyond my control and seemed that no less than a miracle would fix it. First time I prayed asking God for help in many, many years. I knew He could fix the problem, but I seriously doubted that He would. I underestimated the power of His Love. He did fix it and I was, and still am, absolutely amazed.

There is your picture of my life of my making, and how God’s great mercy and grace answered my simple prayer.

My life is now based on Luke 7:47, what I call the jumbo verse. “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven – for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little, loves little.” There was a time, long ago, when I practiced religion because that’s what you’re supposed to do. In other words, I was under the law. I believed Jesus died for our sins, but I was still working at doing the right thing. I tell you when love is your motivation you do not have to work; what you do will bubble forth like water from an artesian well. My prayer now is this, “Oh God, if your Love can be compared to the light of the sun, then may my life be compared to the moon, a reflection of the true light.” “Thanks be to God for His unspeakable gift” and I testify that He answers that prayer every day!

‘I have sinned, I have perverted what is right, but I did not get what I deserved. God has delivered me from going down to the pit, and I shall live to enjoy the light of life.’
Job 33:27-28

Blessed Insomnia

As I lie on my bed with so much joy I can’t sleep,
As I think of our God by whose grace my soul keeps.
Nobody knows the trouble I’ve been,
Only God knows the extent of my sin.
I ignored Him outright for years upon years,
I did things my way, no matter who it cost tears.
I live my life like it held little worth,
My selfishness and pleasure on agenda was first.
Sworn to fun, loyal to none,
As I had a wild time, this time while I run.
Nothing could stop this train without brakes,
And a train wreck was coming from all my mistakes.
But God held back His judgment and wrath,
And touched me with Love, as He gave me a bath.
He cleansed me with blood, the blood of His Lamb,
And made this sinner holy, that’s who I now am.
Not by my goodness, I’ve none on my own,
For my heart was evil and subject to roam.
Not by my power, for my weakness is sin,
Though I’ve tried to improve, I’d go back again.
Not by my mind, I thought I was smarter than God,
Oh thank you my Savior for sparing your rod.
Not by my friends, they’re in the same boat with me,
And that boat will not float on the wild stormy sea.
Not by my word, that was lie after lie,
Now I speak of God’s goodness and wonder just why
His Son had to die for the likes of a man,
Who had no regard for God’s ways and contempt for His plan.
There’re so many others, not near bad as I was,
I can’t understand why He’d give me such Love.
His Love came from heaven by His Son, full of grace.
Now I live for the day when I’ll see His sweet face.
And I hope I have something to lay at His feet,
As I embrace His scarred feet and tears of joy weep.
Now I lay on my bed with all this in my head,
And I shall not want sleep, but I’ll praise God instead.

Tertius

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Psalm 63:6

A note about “Blessed Insomnia”: Written the same night I gave my testimony (short version) at revival service on 10/28/13. In the middle of the night, I could not sleep, thinking about what I had shared pertaining to God’s grace in my life. The more I thought about it the more I remembered.